I'm going to start this post with something obvious, I know it won't lead anywhere.

Who cares about me anyway? I'm just another run-of-the-mill game developer.Who cares about me anyway? I'm just another game developer who can't finish projects on time, who makes projects that are too ambitious, who can't finish what they started, who doesn't deliver services on time, who hardly responds to anyone, and who is always busy even though they're doing nothing most of the time.

I just dealt with yet another of the many problems with Unreal Engine 5 while programming "The Steamboat Willie". I changed the Engine version to an older version while the project was still on the newest version. This caused the engine to simply erase the player's blueprint from existence and render the entire project unplayable. Normally, this wouldn't be a big problem, since there wasn't much progress in development anyway. The thing is, making a game is hard. Like, UNDER INHUMAN CONDITIONS!!! Making a game of that scale entirely on your own is practically suicide.

This, along with life's problems piling up, only made me more and more discouraged from continuing with the projects.

Yes...

I'm planning to cancel everything and abandon Game Jolt and the internet in general completely.

My sense of humor has simply died, I no longer find anything funny, I'm constantly beating myself up as a consequence of childhood trauma, and my biggest fantasy is to kill myself (As it should already be somewhat obvious). For me, life has no color, no taste, no texture, no smell, no passion, nothing... Just a series of wasted time after wasted time.

Before anyone starts spouting motivational talk and arguments like "life is beautiful," "don't make hasty decisions now." Remember that life is MINE! I didn't ask to be born, I didn't ask to be psychologically abused by my own family, I didn't ask to be abandoned because of my condition, so I have absolutely NO OBLIGATION to live with the consequences of choices that were never made by me in the first place.

If I simply disappear tomorrow, it wasn't any of your choices, it wasn't a consequence of your actions, so you should just move on with your lives. Believe me, if I die in just a few weeks or months, things will go back to the way they were.

I'm not trying to play the victim seeking the spotlight and everyone's attention. It's just that it doesn't make sense for me to be so psychologically messed up and force myself to keep living (or rather, suffering), If my absence won't make a difference overall.

There was this guy named Jimmy who went through some tough times, and all the creators of Game Jolt campaigned and spread the word to help him. But that's not going to happen to me.

I don't even know why I'm bothered by this...

I don't even know why I'm making this post...

This will lead nowhere...

Nobody really cares about me...

I'm depressed... And it's for no reason...

My absence doesn't weigh on anyone...

So why do I have to torture myself to keep something I didn't even ask for in the first place?