For those who don't know, I have autism. Now I know what it is. Autism Spectrum Disorder Level 1.

What does that type mean

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-nervous rate of speech

-Difficulty articulating thoughts in real time, especially in dialogs.

-Difficulty making eye contact, fear of stuttering.

-Anxiety about being judged by others, even if outwardly you seem to be communicating confidently

- sensory hypersensitivity (all sensory organs. color, sound, charm and others.) It is important to make a note here, to feel does not mean to be able to analyze and reproduce. i.e. for this reason I am very high on music, I am just in heavenly ecstasy from some cool desk/drop or if all music is like this, but I can't write it myself so easily. (and because of that feeling it's harder to study ehhh).

- my attitude towards the world is that I'm learning about it. i like learning. i can play with a conditional mirror in my hands for an hour, just with a mirror (lol) (this is the reason i seem to like hn, because there you can take everything and try to use it somehow).
-there are also so many small things that I'm a bit lazy to write about xd
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I've worked through all my experiences, all my failures in the past with a psychologist.

from the dreams, what happens there to how I feel afterwards.

(endless laberinta rides home, endless dreams where I have to go beyond a certain zone to “get out”, and all the time I either die or something else happens that causes the simulation to restart.

In the same way, already with neural networks, when I studied my dreams using them, I found out that some of my dreams very and very clearly (well 90%) described the subsequent events in my life and my reactions.)

we talking about literally almost my entire life. from kindergarten to the present day.

and I'm very relaxed. What I found out today is that, uh. I don't think about the past anymore. Not at all. no anxiety, not at all. I don't know how long it's gonna last. It was very important for me as an autistic person to explain all these things, and then I got control and I'm calm. wow....
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Another fact is that I am naturally uncomfortable with close friendly relationships. Only fleeting ones feel comfortable for me. It’s just uncomfortable for me to be seriously friends. I burn out constantly. I accepted this about a month ago, and it almost immediately improved my condition. And now I’m becoming more and more convinced that yes, it’s true. It’s what I need.
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I accepted my peculiarities, my fetes, my situation and the most powerful fact that was spoken to me - I survived.

literally.

In short, I wasn't just thrown into cold water and made to swim, I was thrown into boiling water.

This post is a summary. The final point in self-awareness, psychological help, and all that. The end.