The ultra update to the YouTube Poop Saga is upon us. At long last.

This massive patch polishes the maps, main story, and sidequests to match the quality of Darkest Reaches and The Second One, changes various broken or useless aspects, and adds a whole smorgasbord of content to the game.

Here's a list of what you can expect in v1.3. This is only the major stuff - the amount of minor changes in the update is astronomical.

GENERAL CHANGES

• Four of the crappier party members have been replaced with much better ones:

  • Officer Normandy to Big Chungus (ooh na na). Chungus will be acquired in a faux-DLC area detailed below. Lord Kiro has been moved to fill Normandy's spot in Amsterdam.

  • Cocky Dick to A Cacodemon. Just a generic Cacodemon. It will be acquired in a sidequest where you return to the Urethane. Jergins has been moved to fill Cocky's place in Chanbo.

  • Lt. Chill and Otzi to Brett and Fat Dog Mendoza. Oh yeah. They'll still be obtained in Act 9, as you'd expect.

  • None of these party members will die in the Cow Farm.

• Hunger/thirst/sleep meters have been added. Make sure to feed, hydrate, and rest your party, or else they'll get sick and die.

• Every skill has had its damage output tripled. Survive.

• The two major boss themes, Mega Move and Dynamo's Theme, have been replaced with Rick and Morty dubstep due to a certain somebody's strong insistence.

• In order to appeal to anime fans, every 'hand-drawn' enemy and dialogue portrait will be recreated in Gacha Life.

• I've had to cancel Jergins due to his endorsement of child labor.

• Every instance of Dark Matter or similar entities have been replaced with SiIvaGunner characters.

• Drew Pickles is now straight.

• Various tweaks and fixes.

QUEST CHANGES

• In every act and major DLC, one of the party members will advertise Raid: Shadow Legends. I did it for the money. I needed it.

• PISS has been renamed to POOP.

• You can finally skip doing Acts 2 and 9, speeding up gameplay. To counteract this, the replacement quests you have to do are just as long, if not a bit longer.

• Acts 3, 10, and 13 have been completely unchanged because they're bad.

• In Act 4, you have another mission to complete before the Rhodes Colos assault, much like Acts 1 and 3. What is it? That's for you to figure out :)

• Acts 5 and 6 are now part of the same act. To make up for this sudden Act deficiency, I've ported the unused pro-Vaktus plotline from YTPW's Vaktovian DLC.

• I've consulted with what remains of the Brony fandom to massively flesh out Act 7 and its towns.

• Queen Ripple has been replaced with an e-girl. Who is it? Find out later...

• Act 11 hasn't been changed much, but not because it's bad. It's because the act has been canonized as part of Touhou's lore!

• Six new bosses have been added to Act 12, to make it more difficult.

• Half of your party dies in Act 14.

• The other half dies in Act 15.

• You get them all back in Act 16. A theme park has also been added to the Moon.

NEW ADDITIONS

• A whole smattering of lore has been added! Just pause the game during boss battles, and you'll see it!

• The Land of Dank Energy is a massive, faux-DLC area set in the Dimension of Dankness. This area contains a bunch of modern memes to appeal to today's crowd, and is bound to be a smash hit! It features several new quests, tons of new enemies, and answers to some major lore questions. (This is where Big Chungus is acquired, by the way.)

• San Diablo has been massively expanded - it can now take you to anywhere on Earth, provided it has a train station underground. Due to the massive amount of new stations, it can take up 5 minutes to travel to a certain area.

• A whole handful of new towns and areas will be added, populating sparse areas of Earth. These include My House, BTS-ville, Reddit 2.0, LEGO City, and Kickassia, and will feature all-new characters to the series.

• Every major area in the game has new sidequests APART from these places: Druid World, Cold World, Mullilands, Ripple Star, Old Earth, Bafor Barracks, and Citadellia.

It will be released on April 20th. Screenshots will be shared tomorrow.

....

Oh, you're still reading this?

Huh.

Well, since you're here, I'll just let you know that the Saga is not dead. Once MeenTC and the YouTube Poop Archive are finished, I'll begin working on both Saga and the original game simultaneously. You know, like I was supposed to do a year ago.

And don't worry, the real v1.3 won't have all that crazy crap in it. (Although I will say that certain parts of the fake changelog were based off of my planned changes for the update...)