If you clicked this post and are reading this, then that means you entered the year of 2025! Congratulations and Happy New Year, dear folks! I’m glad to know that you could stick around until the end of 2024 and start a new life in this new year! I’m pretty sure that you’ll continue your lives in the next few years, but aside from everything, if you’re still here, then there’s something I must tell you; an announcement. I have a serious announcement to make. You see, I thought to myself that I should say this to all of you guys and drowned myself into thinking and there were two thoughts, either I say it or don’t. If I didn’t say it, then I would believe that it would be a disease to me and it would carry on for the rest of my life, but now, I decided that I should say it to everyone. Yet, before I announce it, I need to deliver a long sentence. A sentence that’s…all about my past…the past that made me feel guilty, shameful and remorseful…at the same time.

You see, before I joined social media, I was just a normal kid who didn’t understand anything about the world and because I didn’t know anything, I ended up becoming a guy without the brightest thoughts. I never knew this at the beginning, because I was a very young boy at that time, but as I started to grow up, I began thinking about my past and came to realize how I wasn’t the brightest of all and also, how much I hate my past nowadays. My memories are pretty fuzzy, but all I can remember was that I was a jerk to some people I hated in school; because I didn’t know what I was doing, I might’ve done horrible stuff to them. I pushed people, I hurt people, I broke people, I blamed people, I yelled at them and probably hit them too, and I never realized my actions because how stupid I was but come to think of it nowadays, I realized that what I did was so wrong. During that time when I was still a student, I joined social media because I wanted to become loved like those who are already loved; my first possible memory was that I started out as an Internet artist and drew Disbelief Trio on paper, showing it on a Discord server. I expected people to love it; some did but some didn’t because it looked bad. I was meant to accept that criticism and improve my drawing skills, but since I was so young at that time, I felt hurt and got angry about it but later, I quietly accepted it and improved my skills over time. I even started joining other social media sites like Amino, Deviantart, YouTube, Instagram, Facebook and others that I can’t properly remember. I joined those sites, all for a stupid love from the Internet, before growing up and realizing that family love is enough love to feel loved, but I was too young to realize it and I was tempted by the devil to be loved by the Internet; when they saw my first videos from YouTube, they laughed at me all because my videos and I looked like a joke. I felt hurt about it too, but I quietly took it at a later time and moved on. I did gaming and art videos, then began a duo career with my brother, Luke, and all other stuff; I thought I was doing this together out of goofs and memories but I felt too serious for this love and as time started to pass, I made a decision that would hurt Luke and at the same time, it would make me regret it and feel guilty for doing that and all to be back in those stupid solo career days again. I wanna fix my relationship with my brother and try to go back to those old days again but it would be awkward if I tried and currently, he doesn’t talk with me very often and I don’t see him begging me to make content together because of my stupid decision. I see him almost everyday, walking with his friends and doing a lot of hobbies together, things that I can’t do anymore because I feel too old to do that and I’m out of my old friends’ lives, I sure am a hated person to some of them. When I joined other social media sites, I didn’t even know what I was doing as well and just did some random things that I thought they were jokes and would be funny to me, but when I thought just now about my past actions, I realized that those joke weren’t actually funny at all, they were something that hurt people and gave me guilt and remorse too. I want to atone for my past actions during school and social media, I even want to say sorry for what I’ve done to them and if I did, then it would make me feel better and have the opportunity to move on and try a better life with no mistakes, but as of now…I don’t think I’ll feel better if I say it now, because it’s too late. I’m too late to say sorry because time has changed people very fast; if I say sorry to them now, I wouldn’t expect anything from them, other than being angry at me for saying it now. Even though I grew up as a 19 year old man, sitting on a chair and influencing people on social media, I still carry the guilt, regrets and hatred towards my past, something that I can’t move on. To try to forget my past, I tried to escape from it by being an influencer on the Internet, showing my characters, artworks, stories, watching YouTube videos and movies, listening to music and playing video games, and even pretended that I moved on from my past. But there were problems with these solutions to forget the past; being an Internet influencer might’ve worked too well, given me a little happiness and feel entertaining that I built my own audience, but on the other hand, it was nothing but just an excuse to make me feel rotten: that made me sick almost everyday. Sometimes, when I say something online, I would say the wrong words, answer things wrong and say something that disgusts people; I did that one time on a deleted Discord server that I joined and it was the most regrettable thing I ever did. I even left a “I’m sorry” message, but I don’t think that guy would accept my apology because of how I commented in that way; I was pretending to be drunk for goofs and I didn’t know it would go wrong. If I said sorry to that guy, then I would feel better, but I don’t think it’ll make me feel better because I’m too late to do that. I’m too late and if I keep being rotten and continue being like this, then I would hurt my online friends and I would feel sick everyday. That would also include when I make the worst mistakes, worst decisions and worsen anything, anything that was already being just right. Pretending that I moved on from the past and trying to forgetting it is almost like the same thing when hating the past; it would also make me feel sick and pretty depressing at the same time, because when I hate my past, then does that mean I hate my happy memories when I was a kid? The memories I made with my past friends? Past memories with my family? Things I made by myself? I would hate them all, if I decided that I hate my past; I don’t know what to do with my past, either I pretend that I moved on and try to forget it or just hate it. I wanted to enter the path to find answers, but I decided not to enter the path and left myself rotten as well. These two solutions to forget my past as a non-brightest kid made me feel rotten and at the same time, it would also leave me isolated as well; the rotten part of myself made me isolated in my room, from my family and others I knew from church and the Internet. Even I got somebody to cheer me on, I would always feel so rotten from the inside, sit on my chair 24/7 and no matter what happens out there, I would always push myself to work and give no nuts about what’s gonna happen or what’s already happening to the world; it was going to kill my soul as a whole. I would end up becoming more rotten, worse and pretty broken from the inside, while they don’t know a little on the outside, because I don’t tell and I don’t want to; I hate to tell it. I don’t even feel brave enough to tell, so I keep it to myself and build a tower out of my bad feelings, really bad thoughts. If I were to continue being like this, my family and I won’t like this at all; I don’t want my family to see me like this, neither do I. I wished that I could be the best version of myself possible, so I can feel better as well and see how better I become; I would become worse again in the meantime because everyone can’t always be the best version of themselves, yet if they try to be better again. It just repeats almost everyday. I wanna stop being rotten and isolated, and move on from my past, so I don’t need to think about my past anymore and move on to focusing on my future in the bright way but I don’t know how to do that; I don’t really know how to become less rotten, look so improved and feel actually forgiven, but now…I think I found a solution.

I don’t know if this is the best possible solution, but I believe it’s for the better and my own good, so, starting from today in 2025, I’m willing to step away from all of my social media accounts for 3-6 months or probably until entering the year of 2026, and start reflecting myself, spend proper time with my family, try to socialize as possible if I can, fix my relationship with my brother and my mistakes, and find the most possible way to move on from my past and focus on my future in the brightest way. This is goodbye for now but until then, if you’re still here, reading this post from the beginning to the end, then I would like to say thank you to everyone and my friends for letting me stick around in this place for the rest of the year; I may have ended my confession, but I would also like to end this off with one last sentence: just remember that we can’t always stay as the best version of ourselves because there will always the worst version of ourselves, hiding somewhere in our souls, ready to be shown. No matter how bad your past is, we need to move on and accept the terms, fair or unfair, it’s always set. If that timezone has already been set, then it’s set, no way of turning back. I know it sounds hard for you to accept that there’s no turning back, but rules…are unfortunately rules…it sure is a misery. There won’t be a way to turn back to change the past and erase it, but there’s a way to move on from it and move forward into the future, because every person carries a future from within, while carrying a past that everyone, including you, would or already and will always hates, and if you want that future to become a reality, then I want you to make that future into reality. If you made that choice to make that future into reality, then that choice already set your path because you chose it that way. If you give up because it’s impossible, then that’s okay because there will be another future that’ll be ready to be set for you. But if there’s someone who wants you to never give up on the future you chose to make it happen, then stand up again and walk the path you already set. Make someone proud and once that’s done, you’ll feel proud rather than being broken and rotten. Until then, thank you and goodbye for now again.

Signed,

P.S: Have a possible nice life, everyone and to you too, my friends.