Can somebody please translate this into English?

Reject UwUdozer, return to Dogezer.

Install Now

^-^ dozers Full suit

And Head!

Little quickie I did.

Ha ha ha take that you simps!

Hi there, care to sign my petition?

My dad sent this to me yesterday. It is now my phone wallpaper.

I haven't posted in a while so here's me in a Crusader helmet. (those things hurt btw)

I look up LEGO Batman, and what do I see?

THIS.

MASTAHPEECE.