Can somebody please translate this into English?

I'LL HAVE SOMEONE'S ASS FOR DINNER!!!!

My dad sent this to me yesterday. It is now my phone wallpaper.

Install Now

Reject UwUdozer, return to Dogezer.

"Don't blame me, peg the kid with the keyboard!"

Remastered Minecraft skin.

Hi there, care to sign my petition?

Little quickie I did.

Made this in an AI meme generator accidentally. No keywords, nothing.