Hi there, care to sign my petition?

Can somebody please translate this into English?

Little quickie I did.

Mr Crowbar Man

I'LL HAVE SOMEONE'S ASS FOR DINNER!!!!

Drew Gordon Freeman! :D

Reject UwUdozer, return to Dogezer.

Remastered Minecraft skin.

"Don't blame me, peg the kid with the keyboard!"

I look up LEGO Batman, and what do I see?

THIS.

MASTAHPEECE.