"Don't blame me, peg the kid with the keyboard!"

Can somebody please translate this into English?

I look up LEGO Batman, and what do I see?

THIS.

MASTAHPEECE.

welcome

Remastered Minecraft skin.

hop in

Hi there, care to sign my petition?

Install Now

I'LL HAVE SOMEONE'S ASS FOR DINNER!!!!

My dad sent this to me yesterday. It is now my phone wallpaper.