Hi there, care to sign my petition?

Can somebody please translate this into English?

Remastered Minecraft skin.

Install Now

My dad sent this to me yesterday. It is now my phone wallpaper.

Little quickie I did.

"Don't blame me, peg the kid with the keyboard!"

I'LL HAVE SOMEONE'S ASS FOR DINNER!!!!

Reject UwUdozer, return to Dogezer.

I look up LEGO Batman, and what do I see?

THIS.

MASTAHPEECE.