Can somebody please translate this into English?

Hi there, care to sign my petition?

I'LL HAVE SOMEONE'S ASS FOR DINNER!!!!

Reject UwUdozer, return to Dogezer.

Install Now

My dad sent this to me yesterday. It is now my phone wallpaper.

Remastered Minecraft skin.

I look up LEGO Batman, and what do I see?

THIS.

MASTAHPEECE.

"Don't blame me, peg the kid with the keyboard!"

Little quickie I did.