Can somebody please translate this into English?

Install Now

My dad sent this to me yesterday. It is now my phone wallpaper.

Remastered Minecraft skin.

I'LL HAVE SOMEONE'S ASS FOR DINNER!!!!

Reject UwUdozer, return to Dogezer.

I look up LEGO Batman, and what do I see?

THIS.

MASTAHPEECE.

Hi there, care to sign my petition?

"Don't blame me, peg the kid with the keyboard!"

Little quickie I did.