Can somebody please translate this into English?

Hi there, care to sign my petition?

"Don't blame me, peg the kid with the keyboard!"

I look up LEGO Batman, and what do I see?

THIS.

MASTAHPEECE.

Remastered Minecraft skin.

Install Now

My dad sent this to me yesterday. It is now my phone wallpaper.

I'LL HAVE SOMEONE'S ASS FOR DINNER!!!!

Reject UwUdozer, return to Dogezer.

Little quickie I did.