"Don't blame me, peg the kid with the keyboard!"

Can somebody please translate this into English?

Little quickie I did.

I'LL HAVE SOMEONE'S ASS FOR DINNER!!!!

Reject UwUdozer, return to Dogezer.

Install Now

I look up LEGO Batman, and what do I see?

THIS.

MASTAHPEECE.

Hi there, care to sign my petition?

Remastered Minecraft skin.

My dad sent this to me yesterday. It is now my phone wallpaper.