Can somebody please translate this into English?

Install Now

My dad sent this to me yesterday. It is now my phone wallpaper.

I look up LEGO Batman, and what do I see?

THIS.

MASTAHPEECE.

Reject UwUdozer, return to Dogezer.

Hi there, care to sign my petition?

"Don't blame me, peg the kid with the keyboard!"

I'LL HAVE SOMEONE'S ASS FOR DINNER!!!!

Remastered Minecraft skin.

Little quickie I did.