Can somebody please translate this into English?

My dad sent this to me yesterday. It is now my phone wallpaper.

Hi there, care to sign my petition?

"Don't blame me, peg the kid with the keyboard!"

Install Now

I'LL HAVE SOMEONE'S ASS FOR DINNER!!!!

Remastered Minecraft skin.

Reject UwUdozer, return to Dogezer.

Little quickie I did.

I look up LEGO Batman, and what do I see?

THIS.

MASTAHPEECE.