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Can somebody please translate this into English?

"Don't blame me, peg the kid with the keyboard!"

My dad sent this to me yesterday. It is now my phone wallpaper.

I'LL HAVE SOMEONE'S ASS FOR DINNER!!!!

Hi there, care to sign my petition?

I look up LEGO Batman, and what do I see?

THIS.

MASTAHPEECE.

Little quickie I did.

Remastered Minecraft skin.

Reject UwUdozer, return to Dogezer.