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I'LL HAVE SOMEONE'S ASS FOR DINNER!!!!

Can somebody please translate this into English?

Remastered Minecraft skin.

Little quickie I did.

"Don't blame me, peg the kid with the keyboard!"

Reject UwUdozer, return to Dogezer.

Hi there, care to sign my petition?

I look up LEGO Batman, and what do I see?

THIS.

MASTAHPEECE.

My dad sent this to me yesterday. It is now my phone wallpaper.