"Don't blame me, peg the kid with the keyboard!"

Can somebody please translate this into English?

My dad sent this to me yesterday. It is now my phone wallpaper.

Hi there, care to sign my petition?

I look up LEGO Batman, and what do I see?

THIS.

MASTAHPEECE.

Little quickie I did.

Install Now

Reject UwUdozer, return to Dogezer.

Remastered Minecraft skin.

I'LL HAVE SOMEONE'S ASS FOR DINNER!!!!