Can somebody please translate this into English?

My dad sent this to me yesterday. It is now my phone wallpaper.

Install Now

"Don't blame me, peg the kid with the keyboard!"

Reject UwUdozer, return to Dogezer.

Remastered Minecraft skin.

Little quickie I did.

I'LL HAVE SOMEONE'S ASS FOR DINNER!!!!

Hi there, care to sign my petition?

I look up LEGO Batman, and what do I see?

THIS.

MASTAHPEECE.