DISCLAIMER - THIS POST DISCUSSES AN INTERNET-WIDE PROBLEM, THUS NO ONE IS TARGETED. AS THE SAYING GOES HOWEVER, "HIT DOGS GONNA HOLLER".

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Yes, I am referring to the "Greater Internet Farquaad Theory", or G.I.F.T. It essentially says that "you will not get punished for being a jerk if you have an audience that cannot identify you in real life."

Obviously, anyone that is a jerk on OR off the internet deserves comeuppance, but that is not the reality of the situation as this theory has been normalized to an unhealthy degree.

In real life, there are lots of places that we have to mask our emotions, if not wear a smile and speak politely through all manner of abuse and trauma, so as not to draw unwanted attention to ourselves, keep from or worse. It's EXHAUSTING, for sure...and what better place to vent than one that doesn't immediately rob you of your privacy?

The problem is how some people vent this exhaustion by using their online "audience" as an emotional punching bag (if not just being a sociopath) because they have the security provided by "anonymity". It can be as blunt as scathing insults or trauma dumping, to as subtle as textbook manipulation and "condescending compassion". The "GIF"s to whom the theory refers forget that there human beings on the other side of the screen, and should be treated as such.

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I am a near-complete opposite of this theory, and that does NOT make me a saint in ANY way, shape, or form. Here's why:

In real life (and true autistic form), I speak my mind in real-time to a fault, in that I rarely ever stop to consider another person's feelings before my own. This is why my only IRL friends are my sister and my hubby (one day I will understand why they put up with me LOL). Formal events and work are the only places I suppress my tendencies such as avoiding eye contact at all costs or taking things literally, and I'm often too afraid to care about the mixed signals they contribute to until it's too late.

I believe that the stronger a person is, the more kindness they can afford to show - so on the internet, I try to be as outwardly kind and supportive as I would be in real-life if not for these quirks.

Anonymity provides me the same security as "GIF"s: in real life, I would simply be too afraid to look you in the face long enough to hold a conversation, so my eyes would constantly dart away, decreasing the value of whatever I am trying to tell you (if not giving the impression of you being unpleasant to look at - which is not true). On my keyboard, in a private space where I don't have to look at or verbally speak to anyone, I have all the mental calm I need to express what I want. While I articulate in speech just as much as I do in writing, my writing is far more detailed because of this.

The "audience" part is the same as well, only I would use the opportunity to lift up and connect with the people in the audience. The easiest way for the to do this is to remain steadily in contact with them while keeping certain things in mind (yes, this is the advice part as well):

• If I have criticism I always make sure to let the person know they don't need to start over, they're doing SOMETHING right and I will identify what that is. I stress this a lot because that method can be easily used as a form of backhanded compliment or condescending compassion. This, I do practice IRL, as I want to lead by example when teaching people how to treat me.

• I refrain from putting myself in the forefront unprovoked in spaces I did not make. IRL I have a nasty little habit of just "waiting my turn" in a conversation, often to the detriment of understand the other people talking. In the event that I can manage to start a conversation, I rarely ever go outside of a subject on which I am hyperfixated- often the kind that isn't common knowledge. Online I just focus the convo on the post's content and remain silent about my side/content unless it is brought up to me.

• I DO NOT trauma dump, even if I am the one in need of uplifting. As innocent as it is to express how I feel about something that happened to me, there is a time and a place for such personal information about my real life (ideally, the office of a therapist or IRL loved ones I trust). In the most extreme circumstances, unprovoked trauma dumping can be emotional manipulation/abuse towards the listener, especially if the listener's pleas to leave the topic go ignored AND/OR the dumper gaslights the listener for highlighting/responding to their behavior. Anyone who trauma dumps without warning IS NOT EVIL, but they can fit the GIFT theory if they don't recognize the effect. In the event I share experiences, I try not to go into too much detail unless it is absolutely necessary and insisted upon by the would-be listener.

• I prioritize my peace for the sake of myself AND how I want to treat others. It's one thing to be nice to everyone in the event they need some kindness in their day, but it's another to let myself become a pushover just to avoid being perceived as an A-hole, only to finally explode on innocent people who just happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. I am also a human being worthy of respect, just like the members of my audience. I will stand my ground in the face of insults and unfair criticisms, I will get up and leave places that start to affect my mental health and the real ones will understand that.

And while this is all well and good, I will never forget that the main drive for this behavior is to do all of things I am too afraid or uncomfortable to do CORRECTLY in real life. To sum this up, I guess the equation to describe my online behavior could be summed up as:

Anonymity + Audience = Augment IRL

In this case, my "being nice" online is BOTH genuine kindness and a way to vent how nice I could not manage to be perceived as IRL because of the mixed signals between what I say and what I tend to do.

For the people about to suggest therapy, THIS IS IT. This is what works. This is what keeps me from being a jerk, being depressed, having self-destructive thoughts, or taking any of it out on you unprovoked. Well, that and whatever I create making someone happy!

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